Enthralling Beauty

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord who has compassion on you.  Isaiah 54:10

Sing aloud O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! The Lord has taken away the judgments against you; he has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the Lord is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil. Zechariah 3: 14-15

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zechariah 3:17-18


My thoughts cannot contain them, the praises are seeping out of my heart, God has done great things! Words cannot keep Him, and the Psalms have come alive in my life through thanksgiving and praise. The works of God are above my understanding and beyond what I asked for. I do not worship Him nearly enough, I am just scratching the surface of all He deserves. I can pour my heart out before Him and still I feel that nothing I give can come close to his throne and His matchless name. So small and humbled before Him I am overwhelmed and still processing what He did a month ago let alone the love He shows me today afresh. I feel like I am behind in my worship! Truly He has lavished all His inheritance over me and I am simply undone. Anything I thought I could make on my own or do by my strength has fallen away in comparison to the mighty works of His hands. I am becoming obsessed with worship which can only be His work in my heart, I am way too easily distracted and sometimes blind to His worth. But He makes my heart to be a fire of passion that burns for Him.

One thing I know without a doubt: God is good. All the words about Him are true and trustworthy. He is worthy of the highest praise! There is never a day God doesn't deserve my full attention and my whole hearted worship.I have been thinking a lot about a lifestyle of worship and a heart of praise toward God. I know He is worthy all the time, yet some days I feel Him to be more real and more tangible than others. Some days I feel Him so close, so easy to praise. Other days I feel Him in the distance and thoughts of self make Him seem more abstract. Trying to be closer to Him sometimes is a blind walk, I walk forward and sometimes stop to think wait a second, who is God? Yesterday I knew Him so well, or so I felt I did. One moment I can hear Him move and call my name and the next I am convinced He is distant from me. The truth of course is that He does not change and that my feelings are fleeting and faith is the only way to worship in truth. I always know this, but I see the result of my changes and inconsistency displayed in our relationship sometimes and I long for a closeness to Him that doesn't depend on my mood or my heart, but that is firmly built on His everlasting love. An unshakable relationship with Him is what I am seeking. 

Abide. He whispers gently again and I know it is the answer. Abide in His love. But oh how much faith and trust this takes on days when I feel I must earn His presence! I am again taken aback by His consistent voice to my always fleeting heart.Worthy!

In the midst of a life of worship and praise to a Worthy King who never changes, I long to give up everything to see Him lifted higher. The cry of my heart becomes "Rise up, be lifted higher, take Your place!"

So here I am on my bedroom floor attempting to give God the glory and honor I know He deserves, I am asking Him to help me love Him more, for Him to show Himself to me in a new way so I can worship Him afresh and for the God He is, not the small God I sometimes make Him to be. I have this picture of the Father so High above, so Holy, so Heavenly, almost incompatible with me and my bedroom floor and my wandering heart.

Out of nowhere I hear His voice again, "My beautiful one, my daughter, I am enthralled by your beauty".

I am laughing now. Who is He talking to! Certainly not me. I am trying to worship Him, I thought I was being faithful giving Him this moment and lifting Him up and He turns around and calls me beautiful! My worship was taken higher, tears streamed down my face, and I just smiled. All my thoughts of self faded away, I didn't see myself as better or amazing, but I did realize that this God I worship is love. He is love. He doesn't just love sometimes, or act out of love, or want our love, no He in himself is love.

I try to give Him everything, I surrender and declare out load who is He and I am overwhelmed by His worth and His majesty. Yet He whispers deep into my heart. He tells me He is enthralled by me.

This is my God.

It is not about appearance, or my worth, not about being good enough for Him. It is not about the way we see ourselves, not about worldly beauty or the way we compare ourselves to the beauty of other people. It is the way our Father sees us. He is just longing to lavish Himself upon us in this way. He is waiting to call us each in a special way. For He is enthralled by his children. Enthralled! I had to look up the meaning of the word He spoke to me. It means captivated, drawn in, completely fascinated.

He is enthralled by us.

I think about being little and dressing up and spinning around, or getting ready in my room in junior high, I think about the acceptance I so desperately craved from friends and family and boys. I think of the time and energy and tears put into being loved by people. All the days I just longed to be seen. I know the feeling I had when someone really saw me and the crippling fear they wouldn't like what they saw. I remember back to endless efforts to avoid rejection and attempts made to just fit in and be normal. The years I spent in fear of being insignificant, or not enough. My heart's cry for approval screamed so loud.

And here in a gentle whisper all the chains are broken. I breathe in His complete freedom. I am captivating to God. I am loved by God. How dim everything else becomes. I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and He is fascinated by me!

That changes everything. It changes the way I see Him. It changes the way I love Him. It changes the way I see myself, really all thoughts of me seemed to disappear in that moment. And it also changes the way I see other people. They too are creations who captivate God's heart.

It's funny sometimes the lessons I must learn over and over, and the patience in the heart of Jesus who teaches me with compassion and a gentle hand. It's funny how I can throw myself into worship for Him, thinking I barely catch His eye. I can cry out and think I am praying to my walls. Yet He is moved. I move Him. I captivate His heart. Creator God, Most High, Almighty, All Powerful is enthralled by me. How impossible.

Thanks be to our God for in Him the impossible becomes reality. To a God who created out of love, and who lives and moves and breathes words of adoration over me, to Him be the highest praise!

No matter how little we understand, no matter how we see ourselves, no matter how what we think we deserve, no matter the past, no matter the mistakes, the brokenness. Forget it.

The King of Kings and Lord of Lords is enthralled by you. He is captivated by you. He is longing to love you, to pour out upon you the mysteries of His grace. Open your ears, open your heart and hear the whisper of your Father who loves you with an everlasting love!

Martina Sobey