The heart means nothing at first glance, just a simple black outline, but to me it has layers and layers of truth.
As a die hard Taylor Swift fan I saw it once drawn on her foot and couldn't help but love it. Like the curls in my hair and posters on my wall I copied her. I strummed her songs spent time dwelling on small heart breaks and I wrote her lyrics on my mirror. I am thankful for the ways I have grown up and out grown many things! I would be embarrassed to know how many hours I spent on YouTube and how many times I have listened to all of her songs. I still remember the day I clicked "select all" and closed my eyes tightly while I pressed delete. I let go of an obsession, an idol, and a distraction but, there was something that Taylor Swift used to say that always resonated with me, and until now I thought I had let it go with the music. She said it and sang it and the tattoo for me was a symbol of it.
Love is fearless.
Stay with me and pretend it doesn't sounds cliche. I am starting to think it might be one of the most profound things I know in my heart.
Last week I got stuck in my grade 12 year book and searched the pages to find my picture. The quote under my picture that I chose to summarize my 12 years of public school and who I thought I was, was this:
"Letting go is fearless, then moving on and being alright, that's fearless too."
I honestly can't remember what I had on my heart in grade 12 to let go of or what I was thinking then. But I understand it now. Taylor Swift and her hundreds of breakup/love songs taught me at least one real valuable truth. True love is fearless.
I look at my tattoo and think of being immature and young and obsessed with girly music and pretty hair. But what I was really thinking when I let a stranger engrave it into my skin was this: that love is fearless.
She meant it different maybe. But to me it meant that love doesn't stop for fear. And that love keeps on when it shouldn't. Past brokenness. That even when crushed and bruised love gets up and goes again. To love after being hurt by love is to live without fear. To let go of wounds and to move on in freedom is fearless. I remember all this. I used to be so passionate about this idea of always living with my whole heart even after being broken or tainted or disappointed.
But I gave Taylor Swift way too much credit for this little lyric.
He said it first when He promised that perfect love casts out all fear. It is the same truth.
I think I knew more at 18 than I do now. Not knowledge or wisdom really, but I had a real desire to love regardless of anytime love had torn me.
Life is full of aches and disappointments, but life is full of love too. And when love rises up to love again, fear bows. I used to really know this. And maybe I am starting to know it deeper. This year, my heart has retreated in fear. Because to avoid hurt, the heart can lock itself away and with no risk it can be safe and whole. Without trusting fully and wholly, the heart can't be shattered.
My heart hides. And safe and whole and comfortable is fearful.
I didn't know about the tattoo yesterday and I had forgotten about my 18 year old self but when I quiet down my soul at bedtime and whisper to Him, I ask Him what the remedy is for a heart that is afraid. I ask Him if a fragile heart afraid of breaking can be any use at all to him. I ask him how I can put my whole heart into anything if it is still so fragmented. I ask him how I can trust fully without risk. I ask him to release my heart that is caged and to show me how to live with eyes wide open full again.
I stare at my foot.
My Love for you is fearless. My perfect love actually casts out all fear. My love for you did not back down when faced with death by a cross. When faced with pain and heartbreak my love endured. When your heart is afraid, when you cannot trust, when fear is crippling, even then my Love is not afraid. I was broken for you, I bled for you, I let my heart break for you and even still my love lives on wthout fear. Free yourself from fear by receiving my fearless love.
Fear lost power when He spoke.
One by one I lay them down at his feet. The fear of failure. Fear of shame. The fear of not being enough, or being too much. The fear of hurting the people around me. The fear of being abandoned. The fear of rejection. The fear of man. The fear of a bad reputation. Fear of not being loved, accepted. Fear of change. The fear of instability. The fear of moving. The fear of shaking. The fear of trusting. The fear of letting someone in. The fear of being seen. The fear of being known. The fear of knowing who I really am. The fear of my own nature. The fear of seeing myself. The fear of my own unfaithfulness. The fear of falling away. The fear of loving fully.
Crashing down heavy these fears are overcome by just a simple phrase that I have known before.
Love is fearless. His love for me is fearless.
I have been broken already, and I have already been hurt by love, and hurt others by my love and yet in the breaking I was okay. And they are okay too. His hands are steadfast and never once was I alone. The things I fear so much never really had any power to destroy me. The power they had came from me. I had given fear permission to keep me caged from whole-hearted love. No more. I shed this lie like the cold of winter and I let fearless love come to life in me.
There is a seed inside somewhere and in this shaking something is coming up from the ground. This caged heart will have wings again and with eyes wide open it will soar in freedom. The freedom is this: His perfect love casts out all fear. I play the song again and breathe it in deep.
You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The Love that made a way
Let His fearless love for you make your heart brave. Lay down your fears at His feet and speak over yourself of the enduring love of Christ. We are called to be brave. We are called to love fully. We are made to fearlessly love the One who loved us first, and to love the ones He made. Throw off the fears that have no real power and lay hold of the power of His whole hearted love for you. He makes us brave. Our hearts are aching to live brave, and the world is groaning for the Church to demonstrate this enduring fearless love.
Get a tattoo, write it on paper, write in on your heart, just know it. Make sure you know it deep. His love for you is fearless. And His perfect love casts out all fear.
Martina Sobey
No comments:
Post a Comment