Relentless Love

"You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm,
For there is love that is as strong as death,
Jealousy as demanding as the grave,
Many waters cannot quench this love.
There is nothing I want more.
Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart."

"All consuming fire, you're our hearts desire.
Living flame of love, come baptize us."

In order to share about the amazing things God is doing right now I have to talk a little bit about fasting. Not in an ‘I’m so awesome I want credit’ way. Just as a testimony of what God is doing. Don't worry I suck at it so this is certainly not bragging! Over the past month or so God has been working through food issues in my life. I didn’t really think I had any issues there but God has revealed my attachment to food and the value I place in it. I’ve been finding it confusing by times but I am definitely feeling convicted of over eating and indulging and also of seeking fullness and satisfaction from food. I know food is a necessary element of life but God challenged me on the many reasons why I eat and the motivation behind eating healthy or eating junk food. He promised more of himself in place of the attachment I have to food. He is continually reminding me that this isn’t about food being wrong or eating being a sin, but it is a deepening of the surrender of my rights to Him.

 I thought I was completely surrendered to God until I tried to do a 24 hour fast. I basically turned into a monster. I was angry and prideful in my prayers. I felt so entitled to food. Its food! We are not made to go without it. I am hungry and weak that means I should eat. God continued to challenge: Man does not live on bread alone; I am your true satisfaction, I have promised to fill you to be overflowing. Come to me.

 I meditated on many verses in which God promises to be our fullness. I didn’t realize how much the Bible referred to Him being our true food. He revealed pretty quickly that I was seeking much of my fullness from physical things like food as well as money, relationships, appearance etc. God used this process to expose all kinds of roots in my heart! The first few attempts at fasting were not perfect, nor did He expect me to be. With each hour of physical hunger I was presented with a choice to seek food that perishes, or to seek food that will fill me forever.

 The first few weeks were very eye opening and God taught me so many little things along the way but after flipping my car I got distracted and side tracked. I did not feel guilty or as if my acceptance depended on it but I did feel like I was leaving behind a lesson God was in the middle of teaching me. God encouraged me to rest and let Him restore my joy. I was honestly hoping God would kind of just let me be. I was thinking that two weeks of being hyper aware of food choices and fasting days and praying about over eating was enough. I figured I was done. Almost funny really.

 I was kind of annoyed. I could feel Him nudging me to let go again and let Him break chains and deepen my dependence on Him. I knew He was encouraging me to fast and continue on this journey of defeating food as an idol. The timing of this in a week of exhaustion was so irritating to me. I felt then like fasting was my way back to Him or as if it was my only way back to normal or something. It became a law based thing and of course without Him in it I failed. I tried to fast each day for week, each day resulting in failure. I knew why. I can do nothing apart from Him. It was ridiculous! Every day at lunch time I would justify why fasting was dumb, or how I was good enough without it or how as a human it was my personal right to eat when I feel like it!

 I realized that all I wanted was to go back to a time where I didn’t have to think about food so much. I had complicated it of course. I was over thinking it and becoming more focused on it than on Him. God brought me back to the beginning and challenged, “If you will let go and surrender your rights to me again, I will do the work, I am the fire behind the sacrifice. I will be the power that breaks the chains away, are you ready?”

I heard this and similar reminders for days and I was ignoring them.  It should be so simple. Fasting is in scripture everywhere and I know God wants it to be a part of my walk with Him so why can’t I do it! Why am I making it so confusing and complicated. I decided to stop thinking about it all together until I had some clarity. That is when God revealed His truth and light.

 I was ready for bed listening to worship music when God revealed a new truth about Himself to me. I had heard it before but it so applied to this time. The song lyric, You won’t relent until you have it all, my heart is yours. God reminded me of His character with the Israelites. He was relentless with them. They pursued idols and indulged in all kinds of evil and God was never willing to walk away. He fought and won every single time against their rebellion. There is no idol, no chain that cannot be broken by Him. He is an all-consuming fire and I knew He was not going to leave me in this place. I was complacent and wanted to just stay the same for a while. God reminded me that nothing should scare me more than not changing. Because where His presence is there is change. My life should be constantly changing as He rearranges me.   

He stirred in me and suddenly I wanted to defeat this. I wanted to claim victory and be free to shout that there is nothing in my day that I want more than Him! Not even food. 

 I was surprised then to hear what came next. You are not called to fight and be victorious, I sent Jesus. I came to earth and did that part myself. The victory has come. You just need to let it reign in your heart.

 Of course this isn’t my battle to fight. Jesus gave His life in order for us to be free from every single chain, every barrier to oneness with our Father. It is finished. Already. The answer and the key to being free from my indulgence and worth in food is simply more Jesus! I just need to center my life entirely on Him and His words. Then He, and the victory He already won, will ring louder than my attachment to food. So when I am tempted and hungry and I feel my rights rising back up within me, it won't be anything I come up with that will fill me, it will be every word that comes from the mouth of God. His words bring life and fullness. The joy He brings now during times of fasting I know comes from the fullness in His words. Taking food away is useless if I'm not filling myself up with "food" that brings life.

Fasting is not a way to earn my place as His daughter; it is a way to surrender to Him in order that He might ravish His complete inheritance over me. 

So now, a day of fasting is not a day to complain and grouch about my entitlement to be allowed to eat, not a day to groan that He won’t even let me just enjoy food without feeling convicted. No. A day of fasting, thanks to His patience and goodness to me, means a day of complete joy and worship. A day to marvel that My King never relents, never stops, never walks away until He has all of me. I give up, I complicate everything, I spoil His gifts, but His consuming fire keeps burning away at my old self in order to draw me closer to Him. He won't stop until there is nothing left in between my heart and His. 

My prayer is that He will continue being relentless with my heart, that His fire will keep burning until there is nothing left to see but the effects of His power. That anything old and dead will be burnt up and consumed by His presence. That all who look at my life, won’t see me, but Him. That the only conclusion to make of my life is that a mighty fire has passed through and left nothing untouched.

Now when I look at all the barriers in people’s lives, all the sin and brokenness that says they can’t be His. The lifestyles, the paths, the choices and habits, all of those massive walls that make us think someone could never be saved. I think of all those things that make me doubt that the people I love could be changed. I say "Well that will never happen, it would take a..." 

What would it take? An all consuming relentless power that wouldn't stop until it was finished. The strength it would take to win over their hearts is found in Him. The force needed to move people from death to life is here. He is a consuming fire and He revealed that in my life to give me hope that He is strong enough to conquer any and every power that may rise against Him in the lives of the people I love too. And perhaps my hopelessness that He could conquer their sin was seeping out from my own doubt that He wouldn't beat mine. Because as He claims victory in my heart, my hope for salvation for others comes to life. God is calling me to participate in crazy changes in the hearts of people around me. So if we feel hopelessness toward a life or their chance of being saved, we have to look at ourselves and make sure we fully trust and see the state He has saved us from. Because once we truly understand Christ's redemption played out in our lives, we will be filled with hope for everyone else. Seeing His redemption at salvation in my life is amazing, but so is watching Him dig deeper into my heart, cultivating every untouched area to look more like Him.

My Saviour is patient and gentle with me, He is slow to anger and full of grace and mercy. But He also comes like a mighty fire. He consumes every part of me and He will not relent until He has every single thing from my heart in His hands. He is jealous. So jealous that not even the grave will take me away from Him. 

Martina Sobey